Christmas advent is in full swing - Ads on the TV, shopping for presents, organising food, attending Christmas parties...
But for those approaching this Christmas without a loved one - whether it's the first year or it's been many years - I know this can be a really tough time.
And I want to take this moment to tell you that it really IS ok NOT to be ok at Christmas.
Dealing with grief at Christmas
We can feel that there are 'rules' or expectations about how we should act at Christmas - we feel it's supposed to be a time when you're happy, happy, happy, full of good will and cheer.
And yet, if you've lost someone important, you may feel that nothing could be further from how you feel right now. And that the energy it takes to pretend you're "Doing OK", putting on that smile because "they wouldn't want you to be sad" - can be exhausting.... I hear you.
You may not want to sit in a room of family or friends with festive cheer but feel you must. And whilst sometimes, family protocol or obligations mean we have to, I offer you the opportunity to take a moment now and think about what YOU want to do.
Take a moment to acknowledge your emotions and find solace in new traditions.
Perhaps you can do things differently this year?
If not, can you carve out a moment - even if it's just 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour - to stop, pause and feel whatever you need to? Whether you want to take a walk alone to remember, or sit quietly, get out all your all photos and allow yourself to remember and just let you emotions be what they will be.
Perhaps you want to create a new routine to remember them - a picture with a candle, a few moments in the day to remember, to tell stories, to place flowers.
Christmas can be hard. There is no manual for getting through this. Losing a loved one changes us, it changes how we want to experience Christmas, it changes what we hoped for the future, and how we want to experience the future now. And it's OK to allow yourself to acknowledge this and make changes.
There are many bereavement services available if you need help such as; Marie Curie, Cruse Bereavement, We Hear You, Mind, Samaritans, who you can call over Christmas.
If you want to work 121 with me to help you with your grief, please do get in touch.
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